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jangan bermain dengan cinta jika tidak sanggup menanggung rasa sakitnya

its been awhile... while while...

Yoh!

I totally forgot about thy own existence, O' blog of my .. so waddap?

Its being almost 2 years since I update my nonsensical here. Life getting rough, but here I am , still holding on.. and kicking some a**.. hahahaha!!

I wouldn't say that around those of my absent time is the best nor the worst, but its really does worthwhile. Some people hit my head really hard to make me realize all the reckless things I did.

I'm not impress with all the wrongdoings, but I never wanted to rewind all those things that made me who I am today. I'm blessed that I've being given a chance to change, for better or worst.

Did I change? yap, I become cubbylicous.. and its not good, and before entering Fasting month last year, I stop all physical training ( reason: I'm tired and like to feel what its like to not to exercise and eat all the junk food)..which later on become a health problem. Other reason? ...

My granny (from my mom side) passaway just before Ramadan, just like my Arwah Atuk passaway a day before Syawal in '94. 

That time I was in Labuan for company annual sport event, and my mom keep calling me. So I'm taking the first ferry to leave early. And late that night, I'm with my Nenek. I think that time, on that night was the last time I've seen her making jokes, got her craving for "air kelapa", and other things I can only kept it to myself. 

I could never forget the way nenek looking at me when I arrive at hospital. Its like she's being waiting for me for a long time, smiling.. maybe Allah giving me a chance to be with nenek until her last breath, to feel the essence of life, slowly leaving her body that second night. It was before fajr approach, I have to call my aunt, and bongsu bearing the news and I still can keep my voice firm. But I breakdown when I calling my dad, the only person to hear my weeping voice. 

Up until now, I still think she still somewhere here, still telling her story to her grand kids. My tiny cousins, still adjusting with her absence though. 

As for all the days come by, just be prepare for the worst. but Death isn't the worst thing.. 

how do we running our lives, determine how will we die.. and that's scary...

till then..